do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
