I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize