Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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