you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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