We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
