If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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