once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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