I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
