can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
