I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
