Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
