I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
