bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
