Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
