why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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