he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
