i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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