So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
