Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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