I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
