she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
