You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
