You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
