She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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