Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
