My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
only you would photoshop your dick
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
