No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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