She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
