Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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