Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize