Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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