once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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