not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize