If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
