Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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