do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
