Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
