I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
