I'm sorry my penis didn't work
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
