So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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