I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
