Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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