3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
