What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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