I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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