Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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