how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
These tits shall not be calmed
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
