2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
