honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
