Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
