No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
