I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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