Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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