Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
