a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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