why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
