dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize