Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
