If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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