I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
