i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
