I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
