do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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