I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
