I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
