bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
