aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
